This delicate poem created by Countee Cullen, an American poet who was a leading character in Harlem Renaissance has a deep connection to my own experience. It might not be as radical as what is portrayed in Incident but it affects me emotionally and mentally throughout my life.
I was born a mix-blooded child in my family. My mom is of a Thai citizen and my father on the other hand is a local Malaysian Chinese. Unlike my brother, I did not inherit any Chinese trait. I am of a dark skin-toned girl. Growing up, I was always been made fun of. Classmates of Chinese ethnicity looked down on me. No particular good friends during primary school years. They befriended me because I was able to help them in their homework especially homework in English. I still remember vividly on how they talked to me. Underlying every word they uttered and every sentence they spoke, sarcastic elements were never far away.
Referring to two stanzas in the poem, "And so I smiled, but he poked out His tongue and called me, "Nigger".", this shows how the kid of different colors being discriminated by the ethnicity of majority, how the community underestimate them, and how they look at them without feeling an uncanny victory in their hearts for being able to oppress them mentally and emotionally. If we look through the history of America itself, we'd know how terrible the racism issue in America. The Blacks were often treated as slaves and they were not allowed to enjoy and share the same laws as their other counterparts. Being lynched by a mob of Whites but no sound of objections and arguments could be heard from them. Why? Because the law is not in their favor.
I am not black but tanned. However, that was how I was being labelled of - the black Siamese girl in the class. I was hurt and dared not complain, as I know this will greatly hurt my mom's feelings. The golden complexion that I was born with is my honor that I do not know how to appreciate back then. I constantly being overshadowed by the need of wanting to have fair skin-toned just like all my friends do.
People will change as they grow because through the ups and downs of growing up and the phase of entering the adulthood, people gained experiences. They will encounter a lot of people of different colors, backgrounds and religions. They learn to tolerate and slowly accepting the fact that others who are different in appearances are as good as them. I changed. I love and cherish myself more from this painful experience I had endured. As for them ( my ex-classmates ), I do hope that one day they will realize that colors don't matter at all. We are human beings after all. Created by the same Creator and breathe in the same air, just like others.
* This was based on the Blogger's own experience *
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